How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
