My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize