How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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