We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
