I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
