come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize