At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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