I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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