if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
