He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
