Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
