Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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