the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
