evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
