the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I want a musical about memes.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
