nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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