I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
