your room smells of hookers.
And success
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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