so that wasnt chicken after all
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
