I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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