piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
