Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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