she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
