there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
