Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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