Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Randomize
