I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i may or may not be watching the land before time
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
