Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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