I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
