I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
