Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
