I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
