I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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