that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
