I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
