I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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