I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
just come out here and I will go home with you...
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
