i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
