New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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