3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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