I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
