did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
