Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
