Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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