Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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