PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
