Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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