Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize