so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
