there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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