sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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