Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Randomize
