Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
