2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize