NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
