i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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