he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize