no, he came in my armpit
i just had sex bonerless
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
