I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
