Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
