I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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