are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
