i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
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