Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
