I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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