i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
