He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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