Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
