Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
