If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
