at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
