he told me I talked like a deaf person
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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