You're my little dorito
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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