didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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