I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I faked an abortion last night.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just found a bag of teeth...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
