Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
