Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
