Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
