JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
